The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My best friend “Carla” and I haven’t spoken for several years, which breaks my heart. Her son was getting married. The dress was evening cocktail attire. The venue was an hour and a half from where I live. I don’t drive. At the time, I was having financial difficulties and was worried about the attire and transportation to the venue.
I advised Carla that I had no way to get to the wedding and to Uber to the venue would cost well over $200. I was hoping I could ride with her. The family had rooms at the hotel where the wedding was being held. I was hoping she’d offer that I could go with her and stay the night with her at the hotel. She didn’t offer, so I wasn’t able to attend.
Carla didn’t return my calls and hasn’t spoken to me since. We were close friends for 25 years. She has since moved out of state. I miss her terribly. After all this time, would it be wrong to contact her again, or should I just let it go? I have been upset about the situation for years. I’d love your opinion. — MISSING MY FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR MISSING: Weddings can be complicated affairs, and it’s likely that Carla was stressed and distracted because of the number of guests and all the activities related to the wedding at the hotel. To have expected her to provide you with transportation and share her room with you may have been regarded as presumptuous.
If you would like to hear her side of this and gain some closure, by all means, reach out. But because you are now so geographically distant, do not expect to resurrect the relationship you had with her.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 44 years, and we have a married son and one grandson. My husband and I moved closer to our son and daughter-in-law five years ago. Once or twice a year, my husband reminds me that I “ruined his life” by forcing him to move closer to our grandson. On top of that, he dislikes our son’s mother-in-law, something he has made clear to me. He doesn’t want to attend holiday dinners if the mother-in-law is there. (Fortunately, our daughter-in-law is not aware that he dislikes her mother.)
I’m tired of worrying about whether he’ll attend our grandson’s sports activities or events if the other grandmother is there. At this point, I’m actually considering divorce so I won’t be so miserable. Any advice would be appreciated. — FATIGUED IN FLORIDA
DEAR FATIGUED: Unless you hogtied your husband, he must have agreed to move closer to your son and his family. Is the only reason he’s miserable this dislike of his DIL’s mother, or is it that he is separated from his friends? If it’s the former, go without your husband to your grandson’s events and let him stay home. If it’s more than that, perhaps it might be better for him to return to the community in which he was more comfortable.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
