The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 27 years. Most of them have been miserable. My husband has been a functioning alcoholic for more than 40 years. I consider his behavior emotionally abusive. I hate my home. My kids (22, 19 and 17) don’t want me to leave him. I live in my bedroom all day by myself except to go to work. He now says he wants to take a pill to stop drinking. It’s just another lie. He will never do it. I am a shell of a woman at 56 and want to end it all. I am so miserable I can’t do another year of this. — CAN’T GO ON LIKE THIS
DEAR CAN’T: You shouldn’t have to “do” another year of this. Consult a lawyer about a legal separation and move out. Tell your well-meaning children that you may return when their father can prove that he has quit drinking. If he takes the meds, once he sobers up, he may be less emotionally abusive. (Don’t count on it.) However, if he fails to follow through, file for divorce.
DEAR ABBY: I was invited to my niece’s wedding, and we immediately RSVP’d “yes.” I was also invited by her sister to her bridal shower and responded affirmatively. I have a service dog I take with me everywhere. I advised both parties that I was bringing him.
The sister told me I was uninvited or could leave my service dog outside on the porch. Now, a month later, three months after saying yes to the wedding, I am being told I’m uninvited to the wedding because of my service dog. Am I expected to still give a wedding gift? I had planned to give my niece my sterling silver dinner set. What do I do now? — GOING, NOT GOING, IN ILLINOIS
DEAR GOING: Forget about the shower and wedding gift. If you feel generously inclined, send the happy couple a nice card. If your animal is, indeed, a trained service dog to help you should you need it, it was wrong to rescind your invitation(s). Your dog would have been well behaved and wouldn’t have caused a distraction.
DEAR ABBY: My 32-year-old son is not speaking to me, his father and sister because I finally refused to give him more money. I have always helped him with his finances while he spent his money foolishly. It has been nine months since we have spoken or seen each other. He has two children, so we have no contact with them, either.
I want to tell him how foolish he is, but I don’t feel I should have to apologize to him. He’s jealous of his sister and feels we do everything for her. We have always done exactly the same for both of our children. My daughter rarely borrows money, but if she does, it is returned quickly.
Should I wait until my son misses us enough to contact us on his own or reach out to him? He is very stubborn, and this may go on for years. — SADDENED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR SADDENED: Call your spoiled, entitled son. Tell him you love him, but that you’re not changing your stance on the money issue. After that, the ball is in his court.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
