The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I recently realized that my sister-in-law has been kissing my boyfriend on the mouth every time she greets him. We all live in the same town and get together for dinners and events often. I love my SIL and don’t believe she would ever do anything to hurt me or my brother. Our families and my mom are all close.
This all came to light after a recent dinner where my brother noticed this kiss (and a cheek rub) and questioned her. My boyfriend told me about it and doesn’t think it’s a big deal. He says it would be rude to present his cheek instead. I told him I’m not comfortable with this, and that it wouldn’t be rude to implement a boundary.
I’m trying not to make this into a major issue, but I’m angry at both my SIL and my boyfriend for not telling me about this sooner. I feel betrayed, and now I’m feeling suspicious. I have toyed with asking her to stop, but it seems kind of juvenile and insecure to mention it to her. Please give me your honest, unbiased take. — TAKEN ABACK IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Because this bothers you so much that you would write to me about it, say something about it to your sister-in-law. Tell her it may be innocent, but the idea of anyone other than you kissing your boyfriend on the mouth makes you uncomfortable, which is why you are asking her to stop. Your feelings are your feelings, and you needn’t apologize for them.
DEAR ABBY: I’m 12, and I am dating a boy from my class. I know what you’re thinking, but no, we have not had sex or kissed, and he is not pressuring me to. My problem is something else — TEXTING! He texts me every morning and chats all day. He often texts in the middle of an activity like going to the beach or flying a kite, and actually apologizes for going into the water and stopping the texting.
I can’t spend that much time in contact because I have other things in my life. While I really like him, I don’t want to spend this much time texting ANYONE. Plus, our conversations are getting boring because neither of us has anything more to say.
Abby, I feel guilty for not being able to keep up the conversations. He has an active social life, so it’s not like he’s depending on me for entertainment. He’s a really nice guy. There’s just this texting issue. What should I do? — TOO MUCH CONTACT IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR TOO MUCH: Be completely honest with the boy. Tell him you think he’s a really nice guy and you like him, but that you have things you need to be doing other than constantly texting. (It’s the truth.) Then give him some times when you would welcome his texts. This is called creating boundaries, and starting at your age, it’s really good practice.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
