The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 64-year-old guy. I am single and have two daughters and four grandkids. A young woman (“Sarah”), who is my daughter’s age, and I have been hiking buddies for the past five years. I treat her like my third daughter and a family member. Sarah is married, and her husband does not enjoy hiking. Her husband and my daughters accept our friendship and are happy that I found a person I can hike with.
I have been dating a lady (“Toni”) who is close to my age. Six months ago, I suggested we should spend our lives together. My daughters and Sarah were happy for me. Toni rejected my proposal, citing that I must have some kind of romantic relationship with Sarah.
When I mentioned it to Sarah, she distanced from me. I think she thinks she may have interfered with my relationship with Toni. We’re still friends but not like before. Should I talk to Sarah and ask why she distanced from me? I feel depressed about this and have some remorse. I should not have told her what Toni said. — HIKER IN COLORADO
DEAR HIKER: I don’t think you did anything wrong by telling Sarah what Toni implied. You have a right to ask any question you wish of your hiking buddy. You won’t know why your warm five-year relationship with her cooled unless you ask.
What I would like to know is whether you are still dating Toni after she rejected your proposal. If the answer is yes, do you plan to continue, knowing you have no future with her unless you find a male hiking buddy?
DEAR ABBY: I have had a friend who has been in my life and part of my group of friends’ lives since high school. Years and years later, she has become increasingly negative toward all of us for no reason. Her husband is dying now, and we don’t know how to handle it.
She has ghosted all of us because she’s so full of hatred and negativity. We had decades of fun and memories, but she wants nothing to do with us. How do we handle the death of her husband? She says we are all phonies, which is all in her head. — PERPLEXED IN OHIO
DEAR PERPLEXED: How long has this woman been becoming “negative”? There may be a reason why she has changed. Her husband is sick and he’s not going to get better. If she loves him and feels any responsibility to him at all, she’s directing all of her energies in that direction.
The way to handle this would be for you longtime friends to step forward. Tell her you care. Volunteer to help in any way she will allow, and do not isolate her any more than she has isolated herself. If you haven’t done that, I can see why she might have said she thought you were phonies.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
