The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: During my entire 40-year marriage, I have wondered if my husband is bisexual. He met his friend “Ernie” around the same time he met me. My husband has always had female friends as well as Ernie. When he came home late, I’d accuse him of having affairs with his female co-workers.
We have stayed together, although there have been a lot of arguments. Years ago, my brother-in-law went golfing with my husband and Ernie. My brother-in-law told me my problem wasn’t another woman — it was a man. When I asked why he thought that, he said my husband and Ernie were in their own little world. He said he wasn’t jealous of their friendship, but it was just his opinion.
To cut to the chase, not long ago, my husband and three other friends went on a golf trip. There was a king-size bed in the master bedroom, a second bedroom with two queen-size beds, and a sofa sleeper. I asked my husband about the sleeping arrangements, and he said one slept on the couch, one in the room with two queen beds, and he and Ernie shared the king-size bed.
When I asked what the other guys thought about the two of them sleeping in the same bed he yelled, “I don’t care what they thought!” I said, “And it appears you don’t care what your wife thinks either.”
My husband has always said, “There isn’t another woman. You know I love you.” He has always denied being bi. He makes me feel like I’m crazy. Please tell me what you think. — FINALLY FED UP IN DELAWARE
DEAR FED UP: For two men to share a bed when there is another option is, in my opinion, questionable. Never having met your husband, I hesitate to state whether he is or isn’t cheating on you with Ernie. Being bisexual does not make a person an adulterer. If he were to confirm your suspicion that he is bisexual, would it change your longtime marriage? THAT, my friend, is the $64,000 question.
DEAR ABBY: I’m sure I am not alone on this subject. Occasionally, when I’m in a restaurant, the mall, the grocery store, etc., I’ll run into a former co-worker, former classmate, someone I met at a past gathering, etc., and in the moment, I cannot recall their name. This is especially embarrassing when my spouse or a friend is with me and I can’t introduce the person.
Sometimes, when someone is with me and I see an acquaintance before they see me, I’ll make a detour to avoid the embarrassment of blanking on their names. If I’m alone, I have no problem conversing with the individual even if I can’t recall a name. My problem is those embarrassing introductions. Any suggestions? — FORGETFUL IN HAWAII
DEAR FORGETFUL: I agree, it IS embarrassing, and it happens to everyone. It happened to me occasionally when I was in my 20s and needed to introduce my date to someone. There IS a way to get around it, provided you are fast enough. If a “senior moment” isn’t something you are willing to admit, then greet your old co-worker, friend, etc., and say something like, “Hi! How NICE to see you!” Then turn to your spouse (or friend) and say, “We used to work together,” and let them introduce THEMSELVES.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
