The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married more than 30 years. In the last five, I have had so many doctor appointments, medical procedures and surgeries that I have lost count. My husband thinks it is perfectly fine to tell family, friends and strangers about my medical conditions, tests and surgeries.
I asked a friend if she would pray for an upcoming test. She said she would, and would continue to pray until I told her otherwise. I had the test; the results were great. My husband told my friend the results without first asking me if it was OK. I realized it when she said, “Your husband told me the good news.”
Now, Abby, I understand it was good news but, in my opinion, it was MY medical information and I had planned to tell her the next time I saw her, which was three days after the test. My husband thinks it’s “no big deal” to tell people about what’s going on with me medically. I disagree! I believe it’s personal and nobody’s business.
I have asked, even begged, my husband not to tell anyone about my medical stuff. I went so far as to go to two appointments without telling him. He was furious that I didn’t let him come along. I told him why he was left behind, but he still didn’t get it, or maybe, didn’t think my feelings were important. Am I being too sensitive or should he keep his mouth shut? — VIOLATED IN ARKANSAS
DEAR VIOLATED: Your oversharing husband should respect your feelings and keep his mouth shut. You shouldn’t have had to beg him not to discuss your medical information with others. Would he be equally open to your telling folks about the state of his prostate, his Viagra consumption, his colonoscopy preps? Perhaps he will get the message if you start giving him a dose of his own medicine. It’s worth a try.
DEAR ABBY: I decided to get my daughter a birthday gift that would help her to relax. She is a nurse. Because she worked so hard through the pandemic, I thought a massage would be a good idea. I enlisted the help of her daughter and boyfriend to help pay for it. I work part-time and couldn’t manage it without their help.
I chose the business after reviewing it online and fronted the money to get a certificate in time for her birthday. More than a month has gone by, and I still haven’t received their share of the money from my granddaughter or her boyfriend. In fact, I’m now being ghosted after texting requests for what’s owed.
I’m not sure what to do. I’m considering dropping it so my daughter doesn’t find out. But I’m angry about getting hurt in this way. Both parties work. I don’t understand the treatment I’m getting. Please advise. — DISAPPOINTED IN ILLINOIS
DEAR DISAPPOINTED: You may have to chalk this up to a life lesson. You have learned that your granddaughter and her boyfriend (who I assume are self-supporting) can’t be trusted to honor their word. I do not think you should tattle to your daughter about this. The distress it could cause would be counterproductive to the intent of your gift.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
