The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I am a widowed woman who met a gentleman online two years ago. We met in person and get along really great. Everything seems perfect, but my girlfriends keep telling me they see his profile on numerous dating sites. When I asked him about it, he said he had closed the accounts. Well, close friends say they are concerned because he is on a lot of those sites even now.
I’m at a crossroads with this. I’m not sure if he’s casually looking to see if there is anyone better, or if he’s stroking his ego with contacts from these dating sites. What should I take away from this? — PERPLEXED IN FLORIDA
DEAR PERPLEXED: The first thing to pay attention to is that you don’t feel you can trust him at his word. Ask some of your vigilant girlfriends to reach out to him on some of those sites they see him on. If they receive a response, end the romance if what you want is an exclusive relationship.
DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law and I used to be close, closer even than I was to my actual sister. Three years ago, we were on a trip and had an argument and didn’t speak for more than a year. We have since made up, but our relationship isn’t the same.
We are friends with a close group of women and have fun in a group, but anytime I invite her to do something, she will accept and then cancel at the last minute or tell me she can’t go when I contact her asking what time we should meet. Her answers to my texts are cold and short.
I’m tired of being constantly hurt by the rejection. Should I just quit trying and accept that this is our new dynamic? — TO TRY OR NOT TO TRY?
DEAR TRY OR NOT: Your sister-in-law is either extremely rude or still trying to punish you for that argument you had three years ago. It’s time to step back and accept the new dynamic, because pushing for more isn’t working.
DEAR ABBY: Our daughter is being married soon. She has invited our best friends of 30 years to her wedding, but she refuses to invite their adult daughter because she has treated her parents very disrespectfully throughout the years. (Our friends tolerate this because she’s their only child.) I understand my daughter’s reasoning, but I told her I’m afraid we will lose their friendship if she does this. Our friends’ feelings get hurt very easily. How do we deal with this? — CONFLICTED MAMA IN TEXAS
DEAR MAMA: If your friendship with this couple depends upon how your daughter treats her daughter, that relationship is already fragile. This is your daughter’s special day. I do not think she should be strong-armed into inviting someone because you’re afraid your friendship with this couple will end if her daughter isn’t included. Deal with this by not involving yourself.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
