The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I saw my husband’s Instagram account, and he’s following only women who show their bodies provocatively. Is that emotional cheating, or is it just lust? Also, is that grounds for divorce? His looking at and lusting after women online hurts my feelings. — IMAGE PROBLEM IN ALABAMA
DEAR IMAGE PROBLEM: What you have described is lust. Emotional cheating involves starting a relationship with someone. While there are many grounds for divorce in the state of Alabama, looking “with lust” at scantily clad women on Instagram is not one of them. Many men do this, and it doesn’t present a threat to their marriages. (Consider it an updated version of the old Playboy calendars you might have seen hanging in garages.)
Come to think of it, there was once a PlayGIRL magazine containing centerfolds with photos of gorgeous, scantily clad men. (I’m sure a friend told me about them.)
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been a hairstylist for 37 years. My niece is getting married in two months. Four months ago, my sister-in-law asked me to do her hair for the wedding, and I agreed. Well, about a month ago, I learned that another niece (who doesn’t do hair) has offered to do it because she and her best friend want to start a wedding planning service. This hurts my feelings so bad. Please help me understand why I shouldn’t be upset finding out about this. — READY TO STYLE IN OHIO
DEAR READY: You write that another niece has offered to do the bride’s hair. Did the bride accept her offer? If the answer is yes, dry your tears and wait to see the result when an amateur pushes a professional out of the way on the most important day in a young bride’s life. If you have any compassion in your heart, pack your gear in your trunk and have it handy, because the bride may need your help. Desperately.
DEAR ABBY: Every time I tell my wife something, she questions it, doubts it or disagrees. I could walk inside soaking wet and say, “It’s raining,” and she’d still check her phone’s weather app. We went to counseling years ago, but the counselor focused mainly on my communication problems, not so much on hers, which made her behavior worse.
I have reached my breaking point. I no longer want to talk to my wife because I know she’ll question whatever I say. Each time it happens, I feel myself getting angrier. One day, I may snap and tell her exactly how I feel about her behavior. — KEEP IT TO MYSELF
DEAR KEEP: “One day” you will tell her? How about getting it off your chest right now? Swallowing your anger has only allowed this problem to fester. Tell your wife you have reached your breaking point, that you both need more counseling from a different therapist. If she refuses, consult one for yourself, starting now.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
