The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: This year was our high school class’s 50th reunion. My husband and I graduated together from the same school. We have attended every reunion, and at each one of them received the same reactions from classmates. They always talk to my husband, shake his hand or hug him, but look at my name tag and photo and ignore me like they did in high school.
I’ll be the first to admit I’m nothing to look at. The only people who spoke to me were the teachers and my husband. I tried hard to be social, but my classmates just glared at me and walked away. One even said to a group of students, “The dog tried to talk to me.”
My husband and I recently celebrated our 49th wedding anniversary, so I asked him why he dated and married me when I was invisible to his co-workers and classmates. He replied: “It’s all in your head!” He has seen the reactions from co-workers and classmates, yet it has never bothered him that I’ve never been acknowledged.
It hurts so bad I finally told him I wouldn’t attend any more reunions because I thought after 50 years, our classmates should have grown up. He told me I was being paranoid. It has never been in my head, Abby, especially when I extend a hand and tell the classmate it’s good to see them, only for them to then walk away. What is your opinion on this? — REALLY INVISIBLE IN MINNESOTA
DEAR REALLY INVISIBLE: I cannot believe that you have tolerated this for 50 years. My opinion is that your former classmates lack class and compassion, and your husband is no better than they are to have ignored their rudeness. For heaven’s sake, suit yourself when that reunion rolls around again. Skip it and do something that YOU would enjoy!
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a guy for 10 years. We are both divorced with no desire to get married. We are comfortable with our living arrangements. We live in different towns an hour and a half apart and spend a significant amount of time together at each other’s houses.
A single woman lives a few houses down from him, and they are friends. Theirs is a very small, secluded lake town. When I’m not around, they have an occasional drink together. He says it doesn’t happen often. I have never been formally introduced to her.
I have told him I’m uncomfortable with this and have asked him to stop. I even suggested he invite her over when I’m there. Your thoughts? — SUSPICIOUS IN ALBERTA, CANADA
DEAR SUSPICIOUS: My thought is that after 10 years, it’s time you met the competition, if there IS any competition. The next time you are in that “small, secluded lake town” invite her to drop by so you can finally get to know her. Her reaction (and this guy’s) will tell you all you need to know. (If they react like two scalded cats, you may have reason to feel suspicious.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
