The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My wife of 47 years passed away 16 months ago after living with a disability for many years. I took care of her until the end and loved her with all my heart. Nine months after her passing, I became involved with another woman my age.
I have two sons, 43 and 46. My younger son and my contemporaries are happy that I have found someone to share my life with. Being alone was not easy for me. However, my older son, who has a wife and kids, is no longer speaking to me and flipped out at a public event when I mentioned my girlfriend’s name. He seems to think I should be alone the rest of my life.
I sent him a text after his outrageous behavior, saying that I would always love him, but until he accepts the fact that I have a new lady in my life, I no longer consider him my son. Maybe I overreacted. I haven’t heard from him or seen my grandkids in two months.
I know of other widowers who have had the same problem. I find it hard to believe our kids can be so inconsiderate. I realize many people who lose the love of their lifetime are not interested in finding another, but I do not want to spend the rest of my life alone. Am I wrong? Should I apologize to my son? — GLAD I FOUND SOMEONE
DEAR GLAD: You may have been too harsh when you said what you did to your son, but he was far out of line when he caused a scene at the mention of your lady friend. You loved and cared for his mother as long as she was on this earth. You were a great husband and partner, and you don’t owe anyone an apology for wanting to live your life to the fullest. Please celebrate it with those who are mature enough to understand this.
DEAR ABBY: I have been friendly with “Blair” for 20 years. During this time, I’ve taken her to doctors’ appointments and made dinner for her and her family after her mother and stepfather died. When I went on vacation with my daughter, Blair said she’d love to come along but didn’t have the money, so I paid for her. (She never attempted to pay me back.) On another occasion, Blair insisted on coming to my home with her adult kids to use my pool, even though I asked her not to because my son was home with pneumonia.
When my mom died a few months ago, I called Blair after the out-of-state funeral. She promised to call me back but didn’t call for two months. When I told her I was disappointed in her, she responded that she feels bad. But she has done things like this so many times that I feel used. I no longer want to be friends with her, but she keeps calling me and I don’t know what to do. Any advice for a one-sided friendship I can’t seem to end? — ENOUGH ALREADY IN ILLINOIS
DEAR ENOUGH: Take a page out of Blair’s playbook. When she calls or texts, take a long time to respond. When she wants to get together, be too busy. If she asks you if there is a reason for the change in your behavior, tell her the truth JUST AS YOU TOLD IT TO ME.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
