The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: Six months ago, I began seeing a man I like very much but don’t want to be intimate with. We are in our “young” 70s, and both of us were widowed two years ago after 50-year marriages. We agreed early on that neither of us will remarry.
We are affectionate, and he’ll occasionally kiss my cheek, nape of my neck or forehead. We hug. That’s as much as I want. I wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings, but I’m worried he may want more intimacy, which I am not willing to give. What advice do you have for me? — LIMITED IN INDIANA
DEAR LIMITED: Because you are sure you don’t want an intimate relationship with this man and are being given signals that he may want more from you, talk frankly with him about it. You are both mature people, and it’s the only fair way to handle a situation like this. You may find, to your relief, that you are misreading his intentions. If you aren’t, he needs to know he’s barking up the wrong tree.
DEAR ABBY: My father dated someone for several years. She broke up with him around five years ago. She’s a pleasant person, so we stay in touch via Christmas cards. Recently, she texted me that she was sending me a box of mementos, including pictures from their relationship. I was away on business, so I didn’t have a chance to respond.
The shoebox arrived this morning, and I just received a text from her asking if I had received it. Honestly, I feel this was inappropriate because the relationship was between my father and her. I believe she should have sent the items to him instead. How should I respond? — ONLY THE SON IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR ONLY THE SON: Respond by telling the woman the box arrived. She may have sent it to you because she wanted no more direct contact with your father. Call your dad, tell him his ex-girlfriend sent the mementos to you, ask if he wants them or would prefer you dispose of them and then follow his guidance.
DEAR ABBY: I have been happily single for most of my life, and I treasure the friendship and company of my other women friends. My question concerns a situation that happens frequently when one of them starts dating or marries. They seem to feel I should enjoy the company of BOTH of them together from then on. My response has been to refuse any invitations, but it feels rude and impolite. I would appreciate your advice, and thank you! — SINGLE LADY IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR SINGLE LADY: Running away isn’t the answer. Instead of cutting off these women without explanation when they become involved in a romantic relationship, it would make more sense to point out to them that women (and men) communicate differently when members of the opposite sex are present. It’s the truth. Couples don’t have to be joined at the hip 100% of the time, and, in fact, it’s healthier for their relationship when they sometimes socialize as individuals.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
