The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I’m an outgoing person with a lot of friends, but I have begun being “ghosted” after setting up or facilitating an introduction between male and female friends. This has happened more than once when I’m pretty good friends with the guy. I introduce him to a female friend or colleague and encourage their relationship, only to have him tell me she isn’t comfortable with his being my friend, gets jealous, etc.
Abby, I am happily married. I’m not interested in these men, and I’m really annoyed at losing a friend (or worse, he wants to meet only in secret). In most of these cases, I was friendly with the man’s ex, and we all did things together without issue. It’s making me not want to have male friends and to be wary of female friends. Advice? — MATCHMAKER IN INDIANA
DEAR MATCHMAKER: Talk about ingratitude. It appears no good deed goes unpunished. It also appears you are swimming in a pond filled with insecure female friends and colleagues. The lesson here is: Stop fixing these women up. Stay out of the line of fire and let them find their own dates from now on.
DEAR ABBY: How do I get over my ex-husband? He wanted the divorce. I was told, not asked! It has been 10 years, yet I still dream about him. I haven’t been with him or any other man since then. My disordered sleep is making me crazy. I have tried therapy, sleeping aides (OTC medication, sleep apps), but I still dream of him — good dreams and bad ones. I’m not sure how much more I can take. How do I keep my ex from my dreams? — HAUNTED IN ALASKA
DEAR HAUNTED: I have found that the more we try to censor our dreams, the more frequent they become, particularly if the last thing you think about before going to sleep is, “DON’T think about the rat who left me so unceremoniously!” What may help your sleep quality would be to find another therapist and talk, talk, talk until you finally accept that your ex is history. Then you can finally start dreaming about your future instead of the past.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a married disabled woman. I dress myself, wash my clothes, clean up after myself, make my own breakfast and lunch, and cook dinner for my family. I do at-home rehab. My husband is supposed to stretch my legs twice daily to keep them limber, but he refuses to do it twice a day. He will do it only once if I remind him. He won’t make our bed or help to clean up the kitchen after I cook. Am I wrong to feel that something is wrong with this picture? — DOING MY PART IN TEXAS
DEAR DOING: You are entitled to your feelings. It is sad that your husband isn’t more willing to help, and you have the right to ask him why he’s not. Because he refuses to assist with your rehab more than once a day, if possible, make other arrangements for it. Perhaps another relative or a friend could assist. Your doctor may also be able to help you find someone.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
