The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I’m a senior male who has been married and divorced twice. For the last eight years, I have been in a relationship with an amazing woman. She has always had some control issues, but because of the love we share, I was able to look past them.
I’ve always been the one who paid for everything. I recently had some heart issues and was unable to work my part-time job, so my income was reduced. I was no longer able to continue to do the things she was used to. She recently retired and wants to do more traveling, which, at this time, I can’t afford. This has caused friction.
Two years ago, I put a ring on her finger, which she accepted with reservation, telling me she never wanted to get married or live together. She likes things the way they are. She recently told me she’s no longer in love with me the way she had been.
I don’t want to think badly of her, but I think it’s because of my health and financial issues. This hurts so bad. For some reason, I still love her and can’t move on. I’m a hopeless romantic and a true gentleman. I’m gun-shy about trying again at 70, but I hate being alone and depressed. What do you suggest? — DISILLUSIONED IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR DISILLUSIONED: I am sorry you are depressed and hurting. From what you have written, I can only conclude that when you were paying for everything, your ladylove liked the ride she was on. Now that things have changed financially, she has jumped off, so to speak. You may not believe this right now, but you are lucky she has shown her true colors.
You do not have to stay alone and depressed. You also do not have to participate in relationships that are all give and no take. With this in mind, look for women who are independent and willing to share some of the financial costs of a relationship. You may be surprised to find that there are many out there.
DEAR ABBY: My wealthy uphill neighbor and I share a retaining wall, which has been damaged by her reckless irrigation practices. Since the damage can be seen only from my side, she’s not concerned.
An inspector recommended excavating on her side to allow waterproofing the wall and installing a drainpipe. I wanted to bring in a wall contractor to get an estimate, but she would not allow it. Evidently, she doesn’t want any of the plants in her backyard disturbed.
Two weeks ago, she notified me by certified mail that she would no longer communicate with me. The city says it doesn’t get involved in beefs between neighbors. I’m at my wits’ end. Any advice? — HOG-TIED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR HOG-TIED: Because water causes erosion, it is only a matter of time before your property is affected by your neighbor’s drainage. She may have sent you that certified letter on advice from her lawyer. This is why you now need to engage legal counsel of your own. She’s a difficult person, and you need to protect yourself and your property.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
