The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: As my parents have aged, my father has been misremembering things or making wrong assumptions. It has increasingly gotten on my mom’s nerves (she has also become more impatient and snappy lately), and she has been yelling at him in response. Sometimes, he responds back, but usually he doesn’t.
My sister snapped at them, saying she is tired of their bickering, so they don’t do that around her as often anymore. But anytime I have gotten upset about it or tried to suggest to them how to resolve things, Mom gets upset with me. My mental health isn’t the best right now, so continuing to do that doesn’t seem like a good idea, but I’m at a loss about what to do. Any thoughts? — UNCERTAIN IN IOWA
DEAR UNCERTAIN: Before this situation grows worse, please understand that it may be necessary for both of your parents to have physical and neurological examinations. If you can arrange for that, PLEASE do. The changes you describe in your father may be signs of dementia, and your mother may be stressed to the point that she can no longer deal with him without losing it.
DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old son was getting off the school bus. His friend was in front of him. My son thought it would be funny to take his friend’s water bottle out of his backpack and drop it on the pavement. A few days later, my son got sent to the principal’s office, not because he was in trouble but because the parents had called the school to complain about their son’s scuffed water bottle and wanted it replaced. They asked for $23.
I wrote a check and was tempted to add a snarky comment, but I didn’t. Yes, my son should keep his hands to himself, but the water bottle is still functional. My son apologized. Am I living my life wrong, or is it OK that they just invoiced me like that? — UNSURE IN ILLINOIS
DEAR UNSURE: Your son may have been trying to be funny when he damaged another student’s property, but the boy’s parents didn’t see the humor in it. The bottle wasn’t the disposable kind, and the parents were not out of line to expect to be reimbursed for your son damaging it. Perhaps HE can reimburse YOU.
DEAR ABBY: Our family is already picking out items they want after my wife and I pass. They bring the subject up at every gathering. They have even started marking the items they want. My wife and I are 67 and 68. We are healthy and don’t plan on dying for a while. This is starting to upset us both. How to shut them up is my question. — ANNOYED IN TEXAS
DEAR ANNOYED: Your family gatherings remind me of a pack of slavering wolves surrounding their potential prey. Here’s how to shut them up: At the next gathering, tell your kin that if they keep this up, when you and your wife depart this earthly plane, ALL of your possessions will be going to charity.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
