The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating “Kyle” for more than six months, but I have loved him for more than two years. I always thought we had a wonderful relationship and that Kyle was a sweet, innocent guy. Well, he just confided to me that he has an Internet porn addiction! I’m very hurt by this and don’t want to lose him. What should I do? (By the way, we’re both 14.) — INNOCENT TEEN IN MICHIGAN
DEAR INNOCENT TEEN: You should urge Kyle to get help for his addiction. Addiction, by definition, is behavior that is compulsive and out of control.
The problem with teenage boys getting involved with Internet porn is it gives them an unrealistic expectation of how regular, normal women look and act. Although you don’t want to lose him, becoming more involved could lead to his wanting to try out his sexual fantasies with you — and if you go along with it, it will land you in a world of trouble. The smart thing to do is end this relationship NOW.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter “Denise’s” fiance is 12 years older than she is and still lives with his parents. “Leo” is turning Denise into his mother.
I first noticed it when she cut her beautiful long hair short and in the same style as his mother. Now her lipstick shade is the same as Leo’s mother’s as well as her glasses and clothing.
At a recent gathering I remarked to Leo, “Wow, Denise looks more like YOUR mother than she does me.” After that, our relationship soured. Apparently, he didn’t like my observation. Was I wrong? — CREEPED OUT IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR CREEPED OUT: No. But you may have said it to the wrong person. You should have said it to your daughter, who may be doing it because she thinks Leo’s mother has great taste. Denise could also be consciously or unconsciously doing this to please him.
There’s an old song, “I Want a Girl Just Like the Girl That Married Dear Old Dad.” Many men idealize their mothers, and it may be a reason why Leo still lives with his parents.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are empty nesters. We both work and live far from our kids and grandkids. I have wanted to move closer to them, but I also understand we need to meet our goals for a secure retirement.
The problem is, I’m lonely and I think my husband is, too. We work long hours and spend our weekends doing chores. My solution to help myself feel better is to get a dog. My husband, however, doesn’t want one. He wants to wait until “later” — whenever that is. I think a pet would make me leave work earlier and force both of us to get out of the house. I know there are expenses involved, but I’m willing to make sacrifices.
Am I being unreasonable or silly? I want my husband to be a part of raising a pet and, perhaps, participate in some obedience training. I’m trying my best to persuade him without being a nag, but I’m beginning to feel like a little kid who’s begging “Daddy” for a puppy. I’d appreciate some advice. — PINING FOR A PUPPY IN TEXAS
DEAR PINING: Before embarking on a “pet” project, don’t you think you should first find out what may be causing your husband’s behavior? While a dog could work wonders and help you both be more active, between his job and the weekend chores, taking a puppy to obedience training may be too much for him. If he’s not up to it, would YOU be willing to shoulder that task — and the walking, feeding, grooming and cleaning up?
An energetic puppy can be a lot to handle. Would you consider adopting an older dog, or fostering one that needs a temporary home? I don’t recommend bringing a dog into your lives unless your husband agrees. And if he doesn’t, please consider volunteering a few days a month at an animal shelter or pet rescue kennel.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
