The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: A friend’s husband gave me a ride to the airport, and when I went to hug him goodbye as I have always done when we parted, he grabbed me by the arms and kissed me on the lips several times. I wasn’t expecting it, and I certainly hadn’t invited it. I made light of it, but it made me very uncomfortable and I don’t want to see him again.
My problem is I don’t know how to end my friendship with his wife. I would never tell her, and I do not wish to have this standing between us, so I’d rather just end the friendship. How should I handle this? She occasionally contacts me for lunch dates. — DISMAYED IN MANHATTAN
DEAR DISMAYED: You’re lucky the wife contacts you for lunch dates only occasionally. It means she’s a casual friend, which will make disengaging easier. When she calls, all you need to do is tell her you have other plans. You do not have to mention that foremost among them is avoiding any future contact with either of them because of her husband.
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DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing “Larry” for six months, and from day one we both agreed that we do not want to be in a relationship. I’m 29 and he’s 34. But over time we have developed feelings for each other. Larry is recently divorced after 10 years of marriage. He tells me he doesn’t want to lose me, but it’s hard for him to commit for fear of being hurt.
Larry talks to other women and goes out, while I have basically committed myself to him. He gets upset if I talk to another man. He says I’m his best friend and he’s afraid a relationship would change that.
I don’t know what to do anymore. Neither one of us would be OK if the other started dating, but I’m sick of waiting for him to make up his mind. Should I move on? — IN LIMBO IN COLUMBUS, IND.
DEAR IN LIMBO: Yes, you should. But not before telling Larry exactly why, because the arrangement you have right now is unfair to you. If you don’t, you and Larry could wind up being “best friends” forever and nothing more.
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DEAR ABBY: When my wife and I renewed our wedding vows after 25 years of marriage, I gave her a beautiful diamond band to thank her for our years together. I lost her 20 years later and put the ring aside, not knowing what to do with it.
My son had been living with a lovely girl for a couple of years. They appeared to be a perfect match, so I gave him the ring and suggested he give it to her and propose. I looked forward to their happiness and perhaps some grandchildren.
My son presented it to her, she accepted and they were married. Sadly, after three years she divorced him and they have gone their separate ways. Should I contact her and ask for the return of the ring? Abby, it’s not the money ($3,500). I wanted the ring to stay in the family, and she has opted out of our family. Please advise. — NOT SURE IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR NOT SURE: By all means contact your former daughter-in-law and ask if she’s willing to part with the ring. She may agree to give it to you or sell it to you if she still has it. However, if there has been animosity since the divorce, she may not feel inclined to be gracious — so be prepared. Once your son gave the ring to her, it became her property to do with as she wished.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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