The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 15 years. We skipped the honeymoon after our wedding so we could save up for our 15th anniversary, which we will celebrate this summer. We plan to stay at one of the resorts at Disney World.
When I mentioned it to my sister-in-law, she said, “It’s silly to go to a place like Disney World without a child or two,” and asked me if we would bring her son and his friend with us. I refused, saying that this trip is for my husband and me. She then accused us of being childish and selfish.
I agree that going to Disney World may be childish — that’s the whole point — but selfish? Do you agree with that? — CHILD AT HEART
DEAR CHILD: No, I do not. For your sister-in-law to have said what she did was rude and nervy. Unless the children were yours and you wanted them to accompany you, a honeymoon (belated or not) is for the couple celebrating their marriage. Shame on her.
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DEAR ABBY: I am 26 and have been dating a nice man for three months and we have spent every weekend together.
Recently, he has talked about taking me to a family celebration in another state. The conversation prompted me to initiate a discussion about where we are in our relationship. During the course of our talk, he explained that he feels it’s too early for us to be an official couple. But he does want me to meet his parents.
I don’t see why I should invest the time and energy to meet his family if he’s still thinking about dating other people. Do you agree? — NERVOUS IN D.C.
DEAR NERVOUS: I sure don’t. When a man wants you to meet his family, it’s a compliment. It doesn’t necessarily mean he has marriage on his mind. If you are interested in him with an eye on becoming a couple, accept his invitation. It will give you a chance to see what kind of family he comes from and how they treat each other, which is valuable insight. It will also give his family a chance to see what a charming, personable woman you are.
If you refuse the invitation for the reason you stated, I’d be surprised if the relationship developed much further.
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DEAR ABBY: Please help with something that has been on my mind for years. I am one of your male readers. I have a sister, “Eileen,” who is a bit older. We had a wonderful childhood and are close.
When Eileen entered college, she became pregnant. Because she was unmarried, she and Mom went to a different city and she had the baby. I believe the child was placed for adoption. I don’t know if it was a boy or girl.
Eileen returned home, finished college, got married and now has a family. It was never mentioned again. I sometimes wonder if she thinks about the baby she had. I think about it a lot and wonder if I should ask her, or if it’s too painful for her to discuss after all these years. I sometimes think I have a niece or nephew out there and wonder what he or she is like. Should I ask my sister or just leave it alone? — WISTFUL OUT WEST
DEAR WISTFUL: I’m sure your sister also sometimes thinks about the child she placed for adoption and wonders what he or she is like. However, unless she raises the subject with you, my advice is to leave it alone. If it has never been mentioned again, there is a good reason for it.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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