The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I am 20 years younger than my husband. I am also attractive and sexually available to him. We have a great relationship except for one thing. I can’t trust him! I have caught him emailing women he met at work, inviting our neighbor to go with him on a motorcycle ride and heard many stories about him asking women on dates.
But the worst was when I found out he was calling a woman every day and going to her house when I was at work. When I confronted him he said nothing sexual happened, but he moved out for a month.
Why does he feel he has to have other women? I really believe some men are cheaters no matter what. Oh, yeah — I’m his fourth wife. He cheated on the others, too. How can I make him want only me? — CHEATED ON IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR CHEATED ON: You can’t. It may give you some comfort to know that the behavior you have described has nothing to do with you or your level of desirability. It is COMPULSIVE.
You were naive to think if you married a serial cheater that he would be a faithful husband to you. The only person who can “make” him think differently is him, and before that can happen, he will have to realize he needs to change.
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DEAR ABBY: I have been a single mother for seven years raising a wonderful 16-year-old daughter. She is an honor student, works part-time and is very mature. I am dating an older man, “Gary,” who has grown children.
Gary feels my daughter is old enough to spend a couple of nights a week alone in our house, while I spend the night with him. His house is 14 miles away.
I live in a safe neighborhood, but the idea of leaving her alone makes me very uncomfortable. This is causing a rift between Gary and me. He feels I am having a hard time “cutting the apron strings.” Is he right? — SINGLE MOM IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR SINGLE MOM: Inform Gary you are not ready to “cut the apron strings” because you don’t want your relationship with your daughter to turn to shreds. Although you say your daughter is mature, you are responsible for her safety and welfare until she turns 18. And that includes setting a good example for her.
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DEAR ABBY: I’m expecting my first child in three months and I am definitely showing. I work in a retirement community, and every day one or more of the residents makes it his or her business to tell me I’m “just getting SOOO BIG!” and then asks if I’m sure “there aren’t twins in there.” I find their comments rude.
What’s the appropriate response to people who make unwelcome comments about my size? I want to tell them that stating the obvious is unnecessary. They wouldn’t comment about someone’s size who wasn’t pregnant, so why is it acceptable in my case? — EXPECTING IN MARYLAND
DEAR EXPECTING: Although you find the comments unwelcome, I’m sure the residents are only trying to be friendly and join in the excitement of another life coming into the world. They are not meant to be insulting and you shouldn’t regard them in that light. All you should do is smile, pat your tummy and say, “Not according to the sonogram!” and move on.
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DEAR ABBY: Is it wrong to answer a question with a question? — CURIOUS IN K.C.
DEAR CURIOUS: Why do you ask?
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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