The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I have a situation with this guy I’ve known for five years. We dated in the summer of sixth grade, but it wasn’t serious, and we broke up after a month. But we always kept in touch and had secret feelings for each other.
We have never done anything more than talk and haven’t dated since. We both get mad or awkward when the other one gets a boyfriend or girlfriend, but when it ends, we go back to each other (as friends). After my last relationship with another guy, I’m really scared to do this again. I told him that, but he keeps asking to hang out. One time, I said yes, and we just held hands and cuddled, nothing more.
I’ve told him again that I don’t want to go into a relationship. What I want is for us to mature and wait until college, but he can still date other people. I talked to my mom about it and realized that if he got into a relationship with someone else, I’d be mad. I don’t know why I can’t make up my mind about a stupid boy. Can you help? — LOVELORN TEEN IN NEBRASKA
DEAR TEEN: You tell me you don’t want to go into a relationship, but it seems to me you already have a long-standing relationship with this boy. The other relationships the two of you have are not as solid as the friendship you keep reverting to. I do agree that you should wait until you are older for either of you to have a formal relationship.
When you (both, presumably) get to college, you will meet new people and form new relationships, and your world view will broaden. I don’t know what the future will bring to your relationship, but I’m pretty sure from what you have written that the friendship will be a lasting one.
DEAR ABBY: I am a woman over 60, happily married with two young adult kids. Like many young adults today, they are struggling to find their way and carry a lot of emotional stress. On more than one occasion, they have blamed their father and me for their turmoil. They don’t seem to know how to build their lives or to want any advice from us. It breaks my heart.
I don’t know how to help them, and I don’t know how to get past the feeling that somewhere along the way I may have let them down and failed as a mother to help them find their way. What can I do? — MOM IN DOUBT IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR MOM: As you stated, “Like many young adults today, they are struggling to find their way.” The world has changed dramatically since you were your children’s age. The expectations with which you were raised are not the realities they face in today’s social and economic environment. Listen when they need to talk and let them vent. But remember, none of this is your fault. You haven’t let them down. Every generation must find its own way.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
