The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our early 60s. For the last five years, we have been having some great fun. We dress up, role-play and invite friends to join us from time to time. It has been wonderful and has kept us young.
Then one of our adult children had to move back home. He never goes out. His girlfriend comes and stays the weekends. Needless to say, he has put a damper on our fun. We are down in the dumps come Monday when we go back to work, so we play when we can. We have gone to hotels, but it’s not the same freedom. My husband says our son is an adult and we should do what we would do if he wasn’t home. He can either accept it or move out. Abby, what are your thoughts? — EMPTY NESTERS NO MORE
DEAR EMPTY NESTERS NO MORE: It is your home, and you should be free to do whatever you wish in it. You definitely need to have a conversation with your son and make plain that there are times when you and your husband need “privacy.” If he asks why, tell him the truth. Then suggest that on some weekends, he and his girlfriend stay at her place.
DEAR ABBY: I was married for 14 years to my son’s father. During that time, he cheated on me and was talking to a lot of other women. When I told my family we were divorcing, one of my siblings got angry with me, telling me I needed to do everything I could to make it work.
People I thought would be there for me no longer were. People turned their backs on me, including fellow church members. Some friends stood by me, though. It hurt me so much. What was once a close-knit family was now torn apart.
I met a man who lives an hour and a half away from me. He treats me and my son wonderfully. I chose to move to the same town as my boyfriend, but my son didn’t want to leave his sports and friends. He told me it was OK and that he would just stay with his dad. I was torn. But then my siblings started running their mouths about me leaving my son, so I changed my mind and stayed. My boyfriend was OK with it because he loves my son and wants what is best for him.
My ex and my siblings constantly hang out and do things. My ex is always invited to gatherings and events, while I never even get a text message asking how things are going for me. It hurts, and I have sunk into a deep depression because of this. Is there something I have done wrong? — DEPRESSED DIVORCEE IN KENTUCKY
DEAR DIVORCEE: You did NOTHING wrong. It’s clear to me that your family has always been more attached to your unfaithful ex than to you. I don’t blame you for feeling hurt and depressed. That said, however, I think you should move to resume your relationship with your boyfriend. In a new town, there will be fewer reminders of this sad chapter of your life, and you can make new friends and build a new life. If your depression lingers, counseling will put you on the right track.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
