The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I recently scheduled a last-minute consultation with my doctor that might result in surgery. My husband has a meeting during that time, which isn’t actually necessary, but he feels he needs to attend. I feel he is choosing a non-urgent obligation over my more immediate concerns.
All that said, I am capable of handling what comes my way by myself. I was just hoping for some emotional support from my spouse of 31 years. I have had plenty of that financially, but not emotionally. I’m trying to figure out why he’s not taking my medical issue as seriously as I am. — ON MY OWN IN WASHINGTON
DEAR O.M.O.: What a sad letter. After 31 years, you may have to accept that financial support is all your husband is capable of giving. Because you need emotional support, consider asking a close friend or relative to stay close while you resolve your medical issue. Although it may not be your first choice, it would be the more practical solution.
DEAR ABBY: My father left my older sister and me out of his will. He inherited money, went to an Ivy League university and raised two sets of stepkids. I know he didn’t have a lot left at the end, but what there was went to his third wife.
We had hoped he would help his granddaughters with cars, etc. I wish we had discussed it beforehand so it wouldn’t have spoiled our larger-than-life memories of him. Are we selfish to feel let down? — STILL MISSING DAD IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR STILL MISSING: Your feelings are your feelings. If your father led you to believe your children were in his will, then those feelings are justified. However, if he DIDN’T do that, you are wrong to have expected him to buy “cars, etc.” for your children. Considering his marital history, his widow may need every penny he left her.
DEAR ABBY: I have a neighbor I truly love. I garden; she does not. Despite my asking her two years ago not to take any of my asparagus, yesterday she mentioned in conversation, “I love your asparagus. Sometimes I pick some for myself.”
Abby, last year I was left with only enough for one meal for myself! How can I say to her, “Stop raiding my food source!”? I live on a limited budget. Many times, I can’t afford to buy vegetables, which she is aware of. I’m very hurt by her behavior. Thank you for any insight you can give. — OUT OF THE GARDEN IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR OUT: Sit your light-fingered neighbor down and remind her of some facts of your life. Tell her AGAIN that you are on a limited budget and grow vegetables because they have become too expensive for you to buy. Also remind her that you have asked her before not to do what she has been doing, and tell her how hurt you are that she would steal from you. It is the truth, and she needs to hear it. She should be ashamed of herself.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
