The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My father has depended on my mother (and me) for money for as long as I can remember. It wasn’t because he was unable to work, but because he was lazy and had a drinking and gambling problem. My parents eventually divorced, and my father moved in with his sister (my aunt). She died in 2016, which would have made my father homeless, so my sister and I bought our aunt’s home from our cousins so he could stay there.
Fast-forward: Our father is planning to remarry. We do not love paying for him to live rent-free in our house, but in no way do we plan to pay for his future wife to live in the house. The money isn’t that significant, but it is more the principle of the matter to me. I don’t believe in supporting lazy people who take advantage of others. How do we kick our father out of the house without being total jerks? He is older and not in great health. We suspect the equally nonworking, slightly younger woman he plans to marry sees this as a chance to move into a house for free, knowing it is hard to kick out squatters. Please advise. — FRUSTRATED SON IN NEW YORK
DEAR SON: You and your family have ALLOWED your father to continue living his life dependent upon all of you. I hope your aunt’s house is in your and your sister’s names, or you will have no say about who your father invites in. The time has come to put your foot down. Consult an attorney for legal guidance about this matter. You are not obligated to financially support any person to whom your father takes a liking and wants to live with, married or not.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 47-year-old woman. I have been with my partner for 10 years. He was the most amazing person in years past, but lately he has been dismissive, avoids all emotional topics and is absent for days off and on. If I bring it up, he borders on abusive. Suddenly, he’s belittling me and making me feel like I’m not the beautiful person he’s always proclaimed I was. For my own sanity, I left him. Now he’s promising he will have counseling (together and separately) so that he can get better and help me understand why he did a complete 180. Should I believe him? Should I take another chance on us? I love him, but it took so long to heal that I’m stuck in self-preservation mode. What should I do — walk or talk? — FRACTURED IN ARIZONA
DEAR FRACTURED: You say you left him — that was healthy. Some women stay and tolerate abuse until their self-esteem is completely eroded. Because you still care for him, I vote for giving him the second chance he is asking for, BUT ONLY AFTER THE COUNSELING HE HAS PROMISED IS WELL UNDERWAY. You deserve not only an apology but answers for the treatment you received from him. Do not reconcile until you have them.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
