The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married six years, and ever since we’ve been married, my husband’s daughter has insisted that I can’t come to her house that my husband has a mortgage on. I think he should tell her that if his wife isn’t welcome, then he isn’t.
My husband is 19 years older than I am and has health issues. I am there for him and take care of him, and I’m hurt that he doesn’t speak up for me. I feel his daughter should want us to come over together for the sake of her dad. The time is coming when she and the rest of his family will have to come to our house to see him. I don’t know if I would be so willing to let them, since they don’t want me being part of the family.
I have talked to my husband about this and I’m getting nowhere. He now has dementia. He forgets quite a bit, and he insists it’s me and not his daughter who says I’m not welcome. I’m at my wit’s end. What do you think about this? — MIFFED IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR MIFFED: I think there may be some relevant facts you didn’t include in your letter. Does your husband’s daughter resent you because of the difference in your ages? Did you have anything to do with the breakup of his first marriage? When you wrote “they” don’t want you to be part of the family, exactly to whom were you referring?
Frankly, if I were in your shoes, the LAST thing I would want to do is force my way into a home where I wasn’t wanted. I wouldn’t be comfortable under those circumstances, and I am having trouble understanding why you would be.
If the time comes when your husband becomes too incapacitated to visit his daughter and the rest of the family, please take the high road and do the compassionate thing. Invite them in so they can be of comfort to your husband. If there is any way to fire up the peace pipe, that is the way to do it.
P.S. Because your husband holds the mortgage on his daughter’s home, I HOPE he has consulted an attorney and put his wishes regarding estate planning in writing.
DEAR ABBY: I am a new mom who is fortunate to be able to breastfeed. We’ve had several guests come to our house to meet the baby, and if she needs to nurse, I go to the couch and allow her to breastfeed. I don’t feel the need to hide in another room in my own house when I’m comfortable on my couch with all my necessary pillows to assist.
My sister wanted to bring her new boyfriend over to meet my husband, the baby and me. Before they came, she called to ask me to refrain from “whipping out my boobs” in front of her new beau. I don’t view breastfeeding as flashing, but she prioritized his comfort over mine in my own house. I don’t mind using a cover to shield people from seeing my chest, but was her request valid and should I go into another room in my own home? — FEEDING IN THE WEST
DEAR FEEDING: Most people are aware that breastfeeding is a natural function. If “Sis” is uncomfortable with the idea of her new boyfriend seeing you breastfeed, the two of THEM should excuse themselves and go to another room or choose a time to visit between feedings.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
