I think, rather than the relentless heat and the humidity – oh, the humidity! – the thing I hate most about summer is the bugs. Insects. Ugh.
I don’t really mind the ones who stay outside where they belong. It’s the bugs that find their way inside that I detest. I’ve got cans of insecticide near every chair, and I still can’t keep them at bay.
I guess the worst thing was the morning I unwittingly had a cricket cappuccino.
Yes. My beloved and very necessary cup of cappuccino had a cricket in it. I did not know that until I took a sip and felt something quite odd clinging to my lip. It was a cricket. UGH!
I’ve had a plague of crickets this summer. It seems, each summer, there’s a different plague than the last. I do remember the summer of the hornets. Now, they were scary, but at least you could hear them, and stalk them with the hornet spray. And, no hornet ever found its way into my morning coffee.
This year, there seems to be a plague of plagues: The crickets, which I can’t get rid of, and can find no spray that works to kill them. And the ants have joined the party. Now, I don’t do a lot of cooking, or leave food out on the counters, but the ants – those big, black ones – have found me nonetheless. My counters, while they may not have food, have all sorts of little ant baits and clear plastic vials of ant killer scattered around. It doesn’t seem to help.
It’s also been quite the summer for spiders. I almost put on my pajamas the other night, when a huge black spider fell out. Gah!
Just last night, I was sitting watching TV and felt something on my leg. It was another of those huge, black spiders. I shook it off, along with my slipper. Then, I couldn’t find it to spray to death. Or bang with the slipper. It’s still lurking somewhere in my TV room, and the whole idea makes me quite queasy.
I hadn’t seen a cricket in a couple of weeks, so I figured I was done with them for the summer. But no. Just this morning, a huge one – I think it’s been living under the microwave – lumbered out while I was making coffee. What is it about crickets and coffee? I sprayed it numerous times with Windex, which happened to be nearby on the counter. I think I at least wounded it. But still: It could remain, lurking somewhere.
I haven’t seen an ant in a week or so, but I will not fool myself by thinking they’ve moved outside. I know they’re there somewhere. Probably under the microwave. The microwave is too big for me to move on my own, so it sits there, a haven for odious insects. When I finally get someone to help me move it, heaven only knows what kind of carnage and scariness I will find under there. At least, I hope there’s carnage. Worst case scenario: All those cursed things are still alive, and come scurrying out.
If you hear a loud scream, it would be coming from my house.
Fall and cool weather are on the horizon, yet still too far to get my hopes up. But boy, when fall comes, I gotta absolutely love it!
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